Hey...
As some of you know, I embarked on a little venture to produce a truly raw, uncompromisingly soulful two-part piece to end the year 2010. This piece, while still in progress, has become something of an Achilles' heel. I have no logistical issue finishing the piece at all. I just can't seem to move past it in the ways I'd hoped.
In truth, as I worked at developing it, I took a moment to step back and take stock of the piece... and it scared the living shit out of me. It became apparent very quickly that this was more than a "deep & soulful" piece - it was completely, unflinchingly autobiographical, and I did not for one moment like what was looking back at me. In particular, the prose portion was what struck a strong chord. Here were my most central vulnerabilities laid out before me - the things that I've perhaps shared with only one or two very specific individuals, at most. What began as a work of fiction suddenly morphed into something far more reflective of a diarized form of my innermost thoughts. The words actually moved me to tears.
That reaction is the reason I can't move past the piece as I'd like to. I doubt anyone will connect with it the way I do... to genuinely appreciate the symbolism, not as symbols as at all, but as records of my experiences and hopes. Without living in my head, there is no way to see this piece in that way, and I'm unsatisfied with such a disconnect between the work and the audience. I'm still debating whether or not to go ahead and release the piece as originally intended. Part of me almost feels like I need to in order to progress, while the other part of me knows that the fallout could be pretty intense. We'll see.
Either way, it's clear that this exercise in catharsis is a wound-tearing process; one that promises growth but simultaneously hints at awful possibilities.
I guess I should also say "happy new year," since I sort of forgot amidst all the other stuff that's been going on (including a new research position, the unfortunate passing of my old pet cat, the start of another semester of graduate school, and toiling constantly at my next big project... more on that in the future.)
I wish I could remember what it feels like to slow down. Then again, rest is overrated. Back to business.
- Fred
1 comments:
If I remember correctly and quoting someone that thought he knew what he was talking about (Aristotle)in Ars Poetica, he described and prescribed theater to have a sense of catharsis, where soldiers needed to desensitize their feeling when they fought in war.
I fell somewhat about the same with writing, filming, drawing. It is a personal catharsis, and it is necessary as far as you can cope. Go on, and finish if you must.
Un saludo.
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